Always remember you're unique,
just like everyone else.
The journey of a thousand
miles begins with
a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.
It's always darkest before
So if you're going to take your neighbor's newspaper,
that's the time to do it.
Don't be irreplaceable;
if you can't be replaced,
you can't be promoted.
No one is listening until you make a mistake.
Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
It may be that your sole
purpose in life
is simply to serve as a warning to others.
It is far more impressive
when others discover
your good qualities without your help.
If you think nobody cares
if you're alive,
try missing a couple of car payments.
Before you criticize someone,
you should walk a mile in their shoes.
That way, when you criticize them,
you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
Give a man a fish and he
will eat for a day.
Teach him how to fish and he will sit
in a boat & drink beer all day.
If you lend someone $20,
and never see that person again,
it was probably worth it.
Don't squat with your spurs on.
If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
If you drink, don't park; accidents cause people.
Some days you are the bug, some days you are the windshield.
Don't worry, it only seems kinky the first time.
Good judgment comes from
and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
The quickest way to double
your money is to
fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
Do not walk behind me, for
I may not lead.
Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow.
Do not walk beside me, either;
just leave me the hell alone.
Timing has an awful lot
with the outcome of a good rain dance.
A closed mouth gathers no foot.
Duct tape is like the force;
it has a light side & a dark side,
and it holds the universe together.
There are two theories for
arguing with women.
Neither one is valid.
Generally speaking, you
aren't learning much
when your mouth is moving.
Experience is something
you don't get
until just after you need it.
Never miss a good chance to shut up.
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